I am hanging by a thread of strength. Take this burden from me. Heal my heart. I need your rescue. I am ready to rest in your arms. I am sorry for finding comfort in the world. I come to you now. I will cling to my precious Lord. I am trusting only in the One who saves. I am giving myself over to Your will once again. Father, there isn't anything I want more than to be used for your glory. Heal my heart. Take my selfishness, my stobborn heart...take the idea that something else will comfort me, that someone will heal me.....IT IS YOU. Forgive me, because I know that you, my honorable Lord, are the only one I need. You are in my heart, closer than I am to myself. I confess that it is You Jesus who I serve. I say bodly-confidently, that I acknowledge your death and ressurection have saved me from all pain or distruction of this world. Savior, save me. Healer, heal me. I am yours. Work within my soul to bring me closer to you. As i sleep tonight, work within my heart, surround this room with your holy presence. Tonight I will sleep in the presence of Jesus and his angels will softly sing me to sleep with their praises to the Father, Spirit and Son Jesus. I praise you Father. You are my God. I worship you alone. I pray this in the name of the Messiah Jesus Christ, Amen.

Death..such an absolute. I recently just had a friend pass away in a car accident a few days ago. How real it is. How sudden. How absolute. I struggle that I cannot do anything about it. I am stuck. Whenever there is a struggle in my life, I always find the solution...there is always something to alleviate the pain. But with death there seems to be no solution. Nothing to alleviate the pain. I can't call her. I can't write her. I can't see her. I can't touch her. I can't. I simply cannot. Whenever someone dies that you know, every memory surfaces...all the fun, all the laughs, all the scares...it all boils out of your brain. Memories i should have forgotten...are remembered...it's like a miracle.

Each day that goes by I have a new memory. Each one unique and alive in it's own way. I cannot believe I am even repeating this memory...i can't believe I am repeating it for the purpose of remembering her since she is gone now. This blows my mind. I cannot believe I am writing this for that purpose...but here it goes.

Oh Kasey Murphy....the first time I knew her last name was Murphy I spelled it "murFy." This was in 7th grade on the track of Cascade Middle School where we ran on the grass. Kasey and I clicked right away. Her laugh was irresistable. I remember cracking jokes just to get her to laugh. My jokes weren't funny, but she laughed anyway- our humor was the same.....we laughed at anything. We would make up hallerious random names on AIM and pretend to be secret admirers of our middle school friends. I remember eating cheese and grapes in her dining room. I remember putting money in the small plastic bin with a picture of a child from another country on it. I remember accidentally leaving the gate open and all of her barn animals got out, and the whole family had to run outside to herd them back in their pins. I remember more and more. I remember one story that is so funny to me...

Kasey and I decided to sleep in her pump house. We stocked up on blankets, flashlights, popcorn, drinks, candy, magazines....all the essentials for an overnight stay only a couple hundred yards from her house. Our arms were full and we were dropping things along the way across the wet grass. Inside the pump house were the decorations from a birthday party a couple years before that had never been taken down. We had some sleepovers with lots of girls in this place before, but this time it was just Kasey MurFy and I. We organized our belongings, popped in the movie and hours later were talking about life, boys, our friends, whatever junior high drama was terrorizing us with. Somehow we got paraniod about something I can't remember what exactly we were talking about but we both got super scared for some reason. By this time it was late in the night. Darkness was all around. We wanted to run back to the house, but knew it would be a scarey mission. We grabbed our flashlights and put on our shoes and went out the door. Kasey had to lock the door or something so we couldn't go to the house until that she was done. Our arms were interlocked..we were really freaked out. As she was locking the door I saw something out of the corner of my eye! It could have been a person, more realistically a deer, even more likely..it was my imagination....and I screamed and jumped. Kasey screamed and our arms lost one anothers! Kasey had the flashlight but I was already running for the house without her. I could hear her screaming behind me.."wait wait! AHHHH! Gina..! AHHH!" I knew she was running too... only she could see where she was going...i was running blind! I didn't know where I was stepping...so I quickly pivoted around to see her running with the biggest eyes I've ever seen, screaming at the top of her lungs! Just as i swurve around, she falls on her face. She was running so fast...and she went down sooooo fast. The ground was already muddy and wet, either from the sprinklers or the rain...but she went down and it was ugly! Muddy and wet! And just then both of us realize how funny this was. Laughing and still scared, we both run back to the house cracking up at how dirty and wet Kasey was, and how my sudden reaction to my imagination set off this blind race to the house. Oh it was so funny!

As i write this story i just cannot stop laughing. I remember how honest and silly she was. How open minded, and random she was. The countless days and nights we would spend laughing and giggling...being goofy. She was such a goof.

Laughter really is good medicine. But Lord thank you for some healing through the miracle of these memories. I know it comes from you.

Lord please comfort the Murphy family. Show them love and peace in this time of termoil. Give them some part of you to hold on to in order to make it through this sorrow. Their pain must be unbearable, and my heart goes out to them Lord. Be with them in the way they need. I don't even know how to pray for them, because if I was you God, I wouldn't know what to do...that's why YOU are God. God- provide, you are the maker of the universe...thank you for providing for them like i know you will. Also give her Kasey's boyfriend Sam the same comfort, healing and love. Along with Jill who I know is obviously heart broken. Please pour your blessings upon all these people and all who knew her..to help us cope with the loss of such an incredible and outstanding girl who I cannot believe is no longer with us. I pray this in Jesus Name. Amen.

Love...it comes from one place: God. There are all sorts of love. Parental, friendship, spousal, sisterly, brotherly, boyfriend/girlfriend, CREATION....

I encourage you. Question your love. Question how you choose to EXPRESS your love. Challenge yourself to open your eyes to how others express it. Question WHY you love someone. Ask yourself WHERE it comes from. I promise if you question your love, you will discover more of the secret mystery of our Father's love. God's love is multidemensional! Your mind might not want you to see it...maybe it is resistant and stubborn like mine...but you heart longs for you to see it. Satan wants you to think your love is fine right where it is at..comfortable and flat. Lets uncover part of God's mystery, his love, through searching for it in the way others feel and express love.

After you identify your love, practice it! Express it. Share it, pour onto others the love Christ so freely, generously, and GRACEFULLY gives us! (How can i express my thanks to you Abba!)

SIDE NOTE: If you are like me and enjoy blaming others for not feeling loved....I challenge you to refer to the most famous 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 which we are all familiar with. Replace the word "love" with YOUR NAME.

Gina is patient. Gina is kind. Gina does not envy. Gina does not boast. Gina is not proud. Gina is not rude. Gina is not self-seeking. Gina isn't easily angered. Gina keeps no record of wrongs. Gina does not delight in evil but she rejoices with the truth. Gina ALWAYS protects, Gina ALWAYS trusts, Gina ALWAYS hopes, and Gina ALWAYS perseveres!

(AND DO NOT PLACE THE OTHER PERSONS NAME IN BEFORE YOURS! BAD CHRISTIAN! I know it's tempting, but DO NOT do it!)

The trick is being honest with yourself in the heat of the moment. I garuntee almost 100% you will find that YOU aren't the one doing the loving....interesting huh.

Plan B: If you still insist on wanting to blame the other person, and can't be honest about your shallow example of love....CONSIDER THEM BETTER THAN YOURSELF.... and give it to the Lord. Trust that he will reveal himself to that person and let it go.

You also need to be open to different love languages. People love differently! What a crazy concept! It blows my mind how people choose to express their love. Some people are very affectionate. Some people use their words and voices. Some people like to protect. Some share their hearts to those they love. Some are able to control their weaknessess around those they love. Some people love by encouraging....the list goes on and on.

I know in my life, i have been so blind about love languages. I love in a couple different forms, and usually expect others to love me the same, because that is what I identify love as. I expect others to love me in ways i understand and am used to. When a person you undoubtedly love, isn't showing you their love....ASK THEM! How do you express love? Because usually in that case, the other isn't feeling loved by you either. The problem: You both are speaking totally different love languages. Solution: ASK THEM! TELL THEM! How can i love you in a way that makes sense to you? This is how i have been expressing love to you. I see love when..____. The outcomes are all positive!
1)You'll discover how our Father loves in a totally new way!
2)You will learn about the persons needs
3)You will be challenged in your abilities to love
4)You heart will be shaped more like Christs.
5)The other person will see that you actually love them!

And much..much more!

Love is a crazy thing. I encourage you. If your desire is to love your mom, love your sister, love your boyfriend/girlfiend, love your neighbor......GET FILLED! Spend time with our Heavenly Father EVERYDAY so you can get filled! In the word, and intimately in his presence... HE IS THE ONLY SOURCE OF LOVE! It is impossible to express love in its richest most pleasureful way, when you aren't seeking it from the correct source. If you try to get filled anywhere else, your love will be cheap. It will be temporary, and fragile. Don't seek it from the other person. Don't try to find it in other places! The only place is in the Father! GOD IS LOVE. Praise Jesus..how great is his unfailing love!

Pslams 33:18 and 33:20-22 (The Message Remix) Watch this: God's eyes is on those who respect him, the ones who are LOOKING for his love....We're depending on God, he's everything we need. What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you've got- that's what we're depending on.

Praise our Father in Heaven! Lift up his holy name and rejoice in HIM! How good you are to us Jesus- you who embody perfect love. My desire is to learn your heart! I want to know everything about you! Teach me your love so i can understand your mystery! Teach me your love so i can better love others! Teach me your love so thousands more can enter your kingdom! I want the best Lord...it's all YOU! I continue to pray, my Savior, that you take all i have that is not of you. Take it, burn it. I want to be stripped completely..bare to the bone, and have all that remains be my soul, on its face before your heavenly thrown. Take my heart. Shape it. Make it yours. This is my one desire: to be more like you! I love you Jesus. I can't tell you enough. I pray all this Jesus Name..amen.

"Then Moses said, 'Now show me your glory.' And the Lord said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But' He said, 'You cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live'" (Exodus 33:18-20). God says, "When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by" (Exodus 33:22).Guys, God's presence is so too much for our mortal bodies to handle! He is so great, "The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin" (Exodus 34:6-7). He is too pure for us. He is too holy for us! This is what happens to Moses upon seeing the mere essence of our Lord. "Moses uncontrollably bowed to the ground AT ONCE and worshiped" (Exodus 34:8).Reading this passage convicts me. How often I forget the power of my King. The thought of being uncontrollably brought to my knees in the presence of the Messiah! The time is coming. There will come a day when we will lay face down at the feet of our Creator...speachless, breathless. Oh how I long for this moment. To finally be home, doing what God created me to do without any worldly influences....Praising Him! Praising Him in a way unknown to me...no language, no words, no tongues, no actions, no gestures...just my soul crying out in unison beside the blades of grass and stars and all of His creation!This is life. This is what God created us for. Praise!Think of our nature. We are the only creature God has created to have free will. Everything else is under constant obedience to Christ. It can't help but honor and worship God in all it does. Dogs, cats, plastic wrappers, reflective surfaces, red paint...you name it. If it is good, God created it. It can't help but worship God! If these things had hands, faces and bodies this is what they'd look like...facedown, hands to the Lord and bowing on its knees in reverence before the King of Kings!I believe that it isn't when Christ comes that the mountains will bow down and the seas will stir and cry HOLY HOLY HOLY IS THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY. I believe they are already singing! I believe they are crying this out! They are already in the position we will be in, once we are brought into the presence of the KING. On our faces before the Lord, not obedient to our bodies, but completely uncontrollably obedient to our Maker. All of God's creation is doing exactly what God has commanded it to do....TODAY. We aren't. And our hearts are too hard to recognize this prefect demonstration of praise. When our Lord comes to save us, all will be revealed! Our eyes will be opened and we will finally see more clearly this nature of praise with which God has demonstrated to us all along through His creation. We ought to learn to praise by watching creation do it."The skies were made my God's command; he breathed the word and the stars popped out. He scooped Sea into His jug, put ocean in His keg. Earth- creatures, bow before God; world-dwellers- down on your knees! Here's why: He spoke and there it was, in place the moment He said so."--Psalm 33:6-9; The Message RemixWanna be truly ready for the King? Humble yourself and bow before the King of Kings. Literally bow before him and spill your heart out. Praise him for all HE is. You will get a taste of eternity, and never want to look back!