Death..such an absolute. I recently just had a friend pass away in a car accident a few days ago. How real it is. How sudden. How absolute. I struggle that I cannot do anything about it. I am stuck. Whenever there is a struggle in my life, I always find the solution...there is always something to alleviate the pain. But with death there seems to be no solution. Nothing to alleviate the pain. I can't call her. I can't write her. I can't see her. I can't touch her. I can't. I simply cannot. Whenever someone dies that you know, every memory surfaces...all the fun, all the laughs, all the scares...it all boils out of your brain. Memories i should have forgotten...are remembered...it's like a miracle.

Each day that goes by I have a new memory. Each one unique and alive in it's own way. I cannot believe I am even repeating this memory...i can't believe I am repeating it for the purpose of remembering her since she is gone now. This blows my mind. I cannot believe I am writing this for that purpose...but here it goes.

Oh Kasey Murphy....the first time I knew her last name was Murphy I spelled it "murFy." This was in 7th grade on the track of Cascade Middle School where we ran on the grass. Kasey and I clicked right away. Her laugh was irresistable. I remember cracking jokes just to get her to laugh. My jokes weren't funny, but she laughed anyway- our humor was the same.....we laughed at anything. We would make up hallerious random names on AIM and pretend to be secret admirers of our middle school friends. I remember eating cheese and grapes in her dining room. I remember putting money in the small plastic bin with a picture of a child from another country on it. I remember accidentally leaving the gate open and all of her barn animals got out, and the whole family had to run outside to herd them back in their pins. I remember more and more. I remember one story that is so funny to me...

Kasey and I decided to sleep in her pump house. We stocked up on blankets, flashlights, popcorn, drinks, candy, magazines....all the essentials for an overnight stay only a couple hundred yards from her house. Our arms were full and we were dropping things along the way across the wet grass. Inside the pump house were the decorations from a birthday party a couple years before that had never been taken down. We had some sleepovers with lots of girls in this place before, but this time it was just Kasey MurFy and I. We organized our belongings, popped in the movie and hours later were talking about life, boys, our friends, whatever junior high drama was terrorizing us with. Somehow we got paraniod about something I can't remember what exactly we were talking about but we both got super scared for some reason. By this time it was late in the night. Darkness was all around. We wanted to run back to the house, but knew it would be a scarey mission. We grabbed our flashlights and put on our shoes and went out the door. Kasey had to lock the door or something so we couldn't go to the house until that she was done. Our arms were interlocked..we were really freaked out. As she was locking the door I saw something out of the corner of my eye! It could have been a person, more realistically a deer, even more likely..it was my imagination....and I screamed and jumped. Kasey screamed and our arms lost one anothers! Kasey had the flashlight but I was already running for the house without her. I could hear her screaming behind me.."wait wait! AHHHH! Gina..! AHHH!" I knew she was running too... only she could see where she was going...i was running blind! I didn't know where I was stepping...so I quickly pivoted around to see her running with the biggest eyes I've ever seen, screaming at the top of her lungs! Just as i swurve around, she falls on her face. She was running so fast...and she went down sooooo fast. The ground was already muddy and wet, either from the sprinklers or the rain...but she went down and it was ugly! Muddy and wet! And just then both of us realize how funny this was. Laughing and still scared, we both run back to the house cracking up at how dirty and wet Kasey was, and how my sudden reaction to my imagination set off this blind race to the house. Oh it was so funny!

As i write this story i just cannot stop laughing. I remember how honest and silly she was. How open minded, and random she was. The countless days and nights we would spend laughing and giggling...being goofy. She was such a goof.

Laughter really is good medicine. But Lord thank you for some healing through the miracle of these memories. I know it comes from you.

Lord please comfort the Murphy family. Show them love and peace in this time of termoil. Give them some part of you to hold on to in order to make it through this sorrow. Their pain must be unbearable, and my heart goes out to them Lord. Be with them in the way they need. I don't even know how to pray for them, because if I was you God, I wouldn't know what to do...that's why YOU are God. God- provide, you are the maker of the universe...thank you for providing for them like i know you will. Also give her Kasey's boyfriend Sam the same comfort, healing and love. Along with Jill who I know is obviously heart broken. Please pour your blessings upon all these people and all who knew her..to help us cope with the loss of such an incredible and outstanding girl who I cannot believe is no longer with us. I pray this in Jesus Name. Amen.